Day 3 : Far from the Good Samaritan
It’s almost 6 o’clock now on day three and I feel like I’m settling back into my own skin. Today reminded me that life happens around you and it is always a choice whether to turn it over to God. I felt like I was experiencing a greater depth of praise and worship today, I sang every song on the radio driving to work and felt every lyric as if it bursted from my own heart. I also ran smack dab into challenge after challenge. I don’t want to give the false impression that you go on a fast and birds start singing in the background and every burden you’ve carried suddenly disappears. I think it adds a certain gravity to your faith, so much so that when you have a bad day you ask yourself if you take as much joy in praying and worshipping Him as you do when He pours blessings on you. And my personal goal is to get to that point. I yearn to no longer hesitate spiritually, to reach past my circumstances and find myself in His hands. I have been so enamored with the practice of fasting, what will I look like and feel like if I am surrendering everything to God?, is this my body in an ultimate state of worship?, that I am convinced my bad day was a blessing in itself. There was a woman who came to the church today and our pastor wasn’t in. She tried to push past me into the church when I opened the door and the best I could do was ask her to come back in 30 minutes hoping the pastor would be there. She hadn’t showered probably in weeks and her spirit was very desperate and very greedy and the hardest part is I had nothing I could give her or help her with. I knew she couldn’t wait for the pastor inside because I have a history of letting people we’ve never seen come into church and I needed to be the one to tell her we couldn’t help but it broke my heart. This was someone God loved and Jesus died for and I politley asked them to step back out on to the street. I think this is the other side of ministry, feeling the hurt and the pain and coming to terms with the limitations of my own resources and in some cases, my own heart. I am deeply sorry I couldn’t be Jesus to that woman. I promise to pray for her tonight and have God lift her up when I know I have fallen short. I embrace the gravity of this faith, I feel the hurt and the loss that is not my own, and I accept that my heart will no longer be silent when I do nothing about it.
Filed under Fasting, Homelessness | Comment (0)Day 2
Well day one went great. Mike and I realised we hadn’t ate or drank anything yet when church was over and it felt like a good way to begin our fast so day one was an absolute fast, not eating or drinking anything. Day 2 started off fine but I was so fatigued I couldn’t hold my blowdryer. At 10:30 both Mike and I started drinking water. Well gulping water on my part. Today the words chicken nuggets, or chocolate cake or a really obscure dish that I’ve only had once popped into my mind and I could almost taste what they would be like. I know this day is one of the hardest so I’ve resigned myself to repeating these 2 phrases: Quiet the flesh, conquer the flesh, release the spirit, and for our family, for our dreams and for our God. A huge part of this is mental and it’s a great time to read more of the bible. My only observation is I have a lot less energy but that could be b/c all the toxins are leaving. I am also looking forward to Day 3: lemonade. Please continue to keep us in your prayers as we venture on and try to discover what going closer to the heart of God looks like.
Filed under Fasting | Comment (0)Fasting: Day 1
Even though my page still feels very under construction, the main reason I started this blog was because I wanted to share our 21 day fasting experience with all our friends and family. And here it is day one so this is the unofficial release of calledandresponse.com. Everything I have read talks about the first three days being the hardest, but today I feel very calm and at peace. I don’t feel hungry yet. I must admit though that around 11 PM I felt a sudden panic of oh no my last chance to eat something, but that soon went away and Mike and I both said our prayers and slept soundly. I am excited about all of the experiences this fast is going to bring. It feels like we are stretching out our faith muscle, forcing ourselves to rely on God than on ourselves. This is a church-wide fast so we brought our lists of what we are believing God for in the fast to the altar.
Our List
1. P 2. M 3. F 4. D
I’m sorry that it sounds so cryptic right now. I will share what we prayed for at the end of the fast. I pray that God will accept our sacrifice and that it is holy and pleasing to Him.
Filed under Fasting | Comment (0)Giving, Fasting, Praying
I always considered myself a giver and I am definetely married to a giver, so I thought the best thing to do would be to keep tithing and concentrate on prayer and fasting. These of course are my plans and I was about to be introduced to God’s. On Christmas eve we went and visited our old church with some friends and it was time for the offering. They told us 100% of their offering was going to a new project a doctor was starting in the community and we watched a video of a pediatrician who felt an aching in his heart to leave his successful practice and start a clinic for those who had no insurance. As we watched the video I knew we would put money in the basket as it went by us. Mike looked at me and asked how much. This was one of the few occasions we had cash because we had just sold his ipod. I thought in my head about 10 dollars then raised it to 20. Mike asked if that was my first thought about what to give. I looked at him and suddenly felt … I felt, well honestly, I felt God. Mike had $40 in his hand and I shook my head. “twenty?” he asked incredulously. I shook my head and there must have been something in the way I looked at him. I don’t know what you look like when you look at God but it must be different then any other expression. The music was loud, the lights were dim and the basket was coming closer and he asked one last time, “all of it?” I couldn’t speak at this point so I nodded and immediately began crying. Now we are in the middle of an affluent church on Christmas eve during the offering and I am the only one crying. I’ve thought about why I cried. I’m sure I was scared, I sure part of me thought I was out of my mind, I had already decided what bills we were going to pay with that money. I also think the bigger part of me knew that if you say you will give with all your heart then you must give everything you have in your hands. I kept searching for this profound reason for my tears and I think it is simply a sign of sacrifice. God helped me give on a level that meant something to me. There’s a song they sang in church yesterday and the first verse says How sweet the tears to trust in Jesus. The hardest part of giving isn’t knowing, it’s trusting. And it will prepare your heart to receive miracles; give your money, give your tears, give your food, give your hunger, give your prayers. For God so loved the world, he gave. I know God loves a cheerful giver and it is my prayer to one day smile with empty hands. I am so grateful to Him that now my hands are finally as open as my heart.
Filed under Fasting, Ministry | Comment (0)From 12 days of Christmas to 21 days of Fasting
I was thinking back to when the seed of ministry was planted in my heart for the first time and discovered it was during a fast. The 24 hour famine to be exact. Our youth group participated in the event which included a concert and lock-in. The idea was to keep kids busy for 24 hours at church so we didn’t notice we were hungry. A good 14 hours into the fast I was definetely cranky and went to go sit by myself in the one classroom they had turned into a prayer chapel. I read Job and it really struck me that the hunger I was currently feeling was felt by people all over the world on a daily basis, but not just for food. It was a deeper hunger, a thirst for God. I had never been given so many words before that I didn’t feel like were my own. There was a sign up sheet for speakers and I signed my name on the list of kids who wanted to stand in front of the group and say something about the fast in it’s last 20 minutes. I was 16 years old as I stood and delivered my first mini sermon. I was hungry, passionate and rediscovering what it meant to love God. God used every word He gave me, my faith journey started to grow immensely right after that and it is deeply signifigant to me that it began with a fast. Mike and I both have felt that a new chapter of our life is around the corner, one filled with ministry and chasing dreams and starting a family. Our new year will begin with a church-wide 21 day fast. The biggest reason I wanted to start this blog was to record every one of those 21 days. I pray that I will be able to adjust the gauge on my faith to bring it into a sharper focus. I am returning to the point where I first fell deeply in love with God, during a fast. Right now I am concentrating on preparing my faith for it’s endurance run as our church starts fasting together on January 4th.
Filed under Fasting | Tags: Fasting | Comment (1)