May I?

I have intentionally not written a post about babies for a long time. And if I did then I’d mark it private. When Mike and I originally thought about starting a family we said we should have a house first and he would have a job with great benefits ect ect. We had a whole list of things to check off.  So now most of checklist is done and there’s a room upstairs that could really only be a nursery and I sit down again to organize my thoughts on such a delicate subject. I am still a children’s minister. I play and hang out with kids three times a week and plan how we are going to play and hang out during the rest of my week. I went to preschool registration and saw all the mommies holding hands and lugging baby carriers. I held babies that cooed and smiled and cried.  I’m at a place where my emotions don’t seem as volatile as they once were. The longing I felt still follows me around and curls up on my lap sometimes, but I feel like we understand each other now. So what do I do in this stage of life? I wait. I pray. I thank God for the blessings He has given us. I acknowledge that His blessings never run out. I take care of myself. And then I pray again. I do want to say to anyone reading this, it is not my intention to invite you to worry. Worry never ever did me any good but writing does. I think the power is in the acknowledgement of it. It’s like taking life in sections of a puzzle and fitting the pieces back together as a process of healing.

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